One time when we were making pierogi, my mother was telling me about the time a German guard at the ammunitions factory hit her on the left side of her head with the butt of a rifle so hard that she was knocked to the ground. For the life of her she didn't know what precipitated the assault. Maybe she hadn't been working fast enough, maybe this, maybe that. Who knew? The guard didn't have to answer for his actions and she was, after all these years, still puzzling it out, still looking for answers that were essentially, unanswerable. I wondered what it was that helped her survive those horrible war years in Nazi Germany. She didn't always answer my questions but I asked her anyway. She thought about it for a while. "I always told myself that everything would be alright," she said, " that I would manage, that my situation would change, that it would get better. I had to think that way and tell myself that. Any other thought was to fall into a pit that you couldn't get yourself out of, to start courting dangerous thoughts of suicide. I saw that, too," she said, but wouldn't elaborate when I pressed her for more information, just a final "always tell yourself that things will work out."
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One of the biggest moments in my life was being able to sign for my very own library card. When I'm not reading, researching and writing I'm riding my bike, sewing or gardening. I love flea markets, folk art, and traveling to Poland.
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October 2024
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